Say something about gay babies.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
