Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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