we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sober January is a disaster.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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