It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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