I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
