shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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