Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
