you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
