Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
