My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
