I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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