i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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