what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
