take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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