it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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