Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
