Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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