how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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