I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize