That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
