my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
