i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
