dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
