three words: i give head
three words: not that well
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
