Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
