Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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