is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
