I want to stick my p in your. b.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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