She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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