when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
