Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize