u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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