Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
