That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's rum buckets o'clock
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
