Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
