It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
