So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
