It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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