Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
