Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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