There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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