I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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