My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
