watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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