im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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