he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
