I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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