Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
