i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
