Moan for me like Helen Keller
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
