Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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