Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
