I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
