im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
