considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
