I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he puts the penis in happiness.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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