she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that's an acceptable place to lick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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