We won't sleep together?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
