The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
