I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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