Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
