oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
