OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
