i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
