God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What a dumb baby whore.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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