Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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