oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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