The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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