it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
