it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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