Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
