Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
