Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
