Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
