I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize