which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
