My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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