A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize