dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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