i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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