ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
