Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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