even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize