OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
