I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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