i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
