Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
