Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
