She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
