I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
