we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
