I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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