It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
