he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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