There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
