I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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