I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
